BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
