No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize