Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My pussy is not your playground.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
