I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
