he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
