cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
