i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
