My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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