i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
