Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My breasts were aching with rage.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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