Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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