that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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