i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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