stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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