i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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