It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
