I just pynch a tree in the face
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
