i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize