I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
