I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
