It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
