i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
