i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
