....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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