There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
