I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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