Jerry, you need to find god
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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