I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
