I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
