I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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