Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
