even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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