We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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