yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
