She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
