when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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