So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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