He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
