dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Is Oprah even human
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
