how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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