I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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