He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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