She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
