I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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