You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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