me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
