i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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