I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
