I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
