you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Randomize
