a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
So many bounce houses so little time
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
