she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
