Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
