I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
