just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
