okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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