My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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