I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
