my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
