All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
