It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
