we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
