Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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