No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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