3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
