Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
BRING THE BAGELS
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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