Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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