He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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