theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
