The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
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